The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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