in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
