it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
