I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
