I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
