Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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