I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You pole danced in your parka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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