She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
