Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
