trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
