So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
