I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
