fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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