meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
