Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
