Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
