I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
