you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i love accidental penises.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
