i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
