their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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