He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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