even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
