I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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