Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
