Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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