I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
