Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
