How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
