I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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