hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
