There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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