She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
