We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
