goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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