I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
