i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
