ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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