My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
handjob tips. give me some.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
