3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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