So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
