The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
