also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there was a trapeze. enough said
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
