OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
