im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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