i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
