Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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