I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
