I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
