3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
