Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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