He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
