lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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