i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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