Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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