I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
