matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
